A BEAUTIFUL MESS

Okay, so I swore that I would write once a week. HA! That lasted a week.

Now lets get real.

Parenthood is the most abusive relationship I have ever known. 

Let me tell you why:

• You love your kids so much it hurts and you cannot wait to get away from them - some of the time.
• When you go out without your kids, what happens? Yeah, you talk, think and worry about the kids.
• They make you cry with joy and burn with anger within a matter of 10 seconds.
• From what I have learned thus far, our own kids are typically awful to us and perfect for most who watch after them. This is just not right.
• They pull at our hearts and our wallets and that can never be a good combination.
• They keep us up at night, wake us early and then they don't nap. How is this healthy?
• They smile, giggle, beg for more tickles and kisses and we beg for more time with them.
• At night, I watch them sleep, when it finally happens and I beg for them not to grow up too fast.
• When I drop them off at school in the morning I usually drive over the speed limit on my way out of the parking lot because I have some time to myself. What do I do? I go back to look in the window and watch them.

How is this healthy?  Parenthood. Seriously? Wow. No one could have ever prepared me, no matter what... ever. Its too big. Too massive. Too overpowering. The things you think you have under control... HA! Funny, not even close.

Sawyer is just about 18 months now and is the boy that will forever get whatever he wants if I have anything to do with it. He has dimples. Enough said. Well, is it? No, because I am his Mom. I want to say more. He is mellow and hilarious. He laughs and his nose crinkles up and his grin is bigger than a slice of watermelon.  He walks and points and says DUCK. He is charming and really just so fun. I am so blessed. He snuggles and loves books, eats like a truck driver and loves his sister.

 Scout is 4 1/2 now and has turned into a kid. She is .... well... she is a pain in my thankful ass. I love her. She is wild and carefree and worried and passionate and impatient and silly and sad and SMART as hell. She says the most beautiful things. "Mom, will you still be my mom when I die?" Helll-o?  Help me off of the floor.  When she said that I nearly fell over. Wow. So lucky. She is my girl. She and I will always go at it. When she is a teenager, I am thinking of boot camp. If she is anything like me, I don't want her near ANYTHING. But I hear keeping your kids locked in a closet is kind of illegal. So, I have to figure something out and quick.

What does it take every day to be their Mom? More patience than I have for sure. More energy that I could ever wish for.  Wine.

And, at the end of the day, when they are safe, home, asleep or awake, I know how lucky I am.  So, lucky.

Life is so beautifully messy...