Scout received a beautiful hat, purse and scarf from my Grandmother and Aunt this year for Christmas. Why am I blogging about this?
I spent my life knowing very little about these people. I got cards and gifts at Holiday time and talked with them on the phone a few times through the years. Yet, they were a world away. It was hard to stay connected.
When I went in 2005 I fell in love with my family that I hadn't known most of my life. We had the grandest time, so much laughter and silliness! It was a true reunion and one that I think about almost every day. It took me months to come to terms with what an asshole I'd been over the years - not keeping in touch, not really giving it much thought. When I had to say goodbye to them, I cried for 17 hours - pretty much the entire flight home. I told my Grandpa 'I'd seem him on the other side.' He died soon after. I promised myself that I would 'keep in touch' better and call more when I left. I did, for about 1 year... and then my calls dwindled. My emails to New Zealand became more and more sparse. I hated being so far away from the people that I loved!
Back to the scarf. It is the most lovely set. And without having to DEMAND that Scout wear it, she came out of her room the other day wearing all of it. She looked so adorable. What was tough was that I wanted my Grandma and Aunt Shirl to see her. It broke my heart that they couldn't see how proud she was to wear her little outfit.
Later that evening, I talked to Grandma on the phone. Scout curiously romped toward me and asked "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO MAMA?" I quickly tried to explain "I am talking to your Great-Grandma, you know, the one that bought you the beautiful hat, scarf and purse you wore today!" Scout grabbed the phone and mumbled into it. Grandma didn't understand what she was saying but I know it meant the world to her. When I told her about Scout wearing her gift, I know that also meant the world to her.
Scout and I cuddled that night after we hung up the phone. She was inquisitive. "Mommy, how come we can't see Great Grandma?" Oh, my heart fell. "Honey, Grandma lives very, very far away" I responded. "Does she live this far away" Scout held her arms wide apart. "Yes, honey, she does, she lives that far away."
Knowing that her concept of space and location wasn't going to grasp distance I tried to redirect the conversation. "But, how come Great Grandma doesn't come to see me?" And then the tears started to roll. "Well, Scout, Great Grandma is a little bit too old to fly on an airplane. She is 92 years old" I beamed! This didn't seem to matter to Scout. "Im old too Mommy" she said. I chuckled. The ripe old age of three.
The next day we drove toward preschool and Scout started again. "Mommy, why is Great Grandma old" she asked. Well, honey, people get old. Time passes.... " and then of course, tears rolled again. I am pretty sure that Scout won't get to meet her Great Grandma. This crushes me. She lives a world apart and it has been something I have known all my life. I never got to REALLY know my Grandma and Grandpa. I am sad for Scout and Sawyer. As I know what it is like to grow up not knowing about your family - and sometimes, until it is too late.
We are so blessed that Scout and Sawyer now have all of their Grandparents. They interact with Grandma Lizzie and Poppy Ray several times a week. They know Grandma Joyce and Grandpa Rod. It is really, out of this world, special. Bob and I didn't have access and or time to our Grandparent's growing up. We value these relationships big time.
I cried in the parking lot of Scout's preschool that day. Wishing, wishing that Great Grandma could just do one more flight... just one more.
So true. Carlos had the same thing growing up with his grandparents being in Spain. Now they are gone, but we are lucky enough to have his parents in NY and mine in Denver.
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