A WORLD AWAY

Scout received a beautiful hat, purse and scarf from my Grandmother and Aunt this year for Christmas.  Why am I blogging about this?

My Grandma and Aunt live in New Zealand. It is a long, long way away. My father is from New Zealand and so I have had the good fortune to visit on several occasions. My last visit was in October of 2005. I jumped on a plane with 24 hours notice to my Dad, who was living there then, my Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt Shirley. It was a whim and I knew I had to go; Grandpa was dying.

I spent my life knowing very little about these people. I got cards and gifts at Holiday time and talked with them on the phone a few times through the years. Yet, they were a world away. It was hard to stay connected.

When I went in 2005 I fell in love with my family that I hadn't known most of my life. We had the grandest time, so much laughter and silliness! It was a true reunion and one that I think about almost every day. It took me months to come to terms with what an asshole I'd been over the years - not keeping in touch, not really giving it much thought.  When I had to say goodbye to them, I cried for 17 hours - pretty much the entire flight home.  I told my Grandpa 'I'd seem him on the other side.'  He died soon after. I promised myself that I would 'keep in touch' better and call more when I left.  I did, for about 1 year... and then my calls dwindled. My emails to New Zealand became more and more sparse.  I hated being so far away from the people that I loved!

Back to the scarf. It is the most lovely set.  And without having to DEMAND that Scout wear it, she came out of her room the other day wearing all of it. She looked so adorable. What was tough was that I wanted my Grandma and Aunt Shirl to see her. It broke my heart that they couldn't see how proud she was to wear her little outfit.

Later that evening, I talked to Grandma on the phone.  Scout curiously romped toward me and asked "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO MAMA?" I quickly tried to explain "I am talking to your Great-Grandma, you know, the one that bought you the beautiful hat, scarf and purse you wore today!" Scout grabbed the phone and mumbled into it.  Grandma didn't understand what she was saying but I know it meant the world to her.  When I told her about Scout wearing her gift, I know that also meant the world to her.

Scout and I cuddled that night after we hung up the phone.  She was inquisitive.  "Mommy, how come we can't see Great Grandma?"  Oh, my heart fell.  "Honey, Grandma lives very, very far away" I responded.  "Does she live this far away" Scout held her arms wide apart.  "Yes, honey, she does, she lives that far away."

 Knowing that her concept of space and location wasn't going to grasp distance I tried to redirect the conversation.  "But, how come Great Grandma doesn't come to see me?"  And then the tears started to roll.  "Well, Scout, Great Grandma is a little bit too old to fly on an airplane. She is 92 years old" I beamed!  This didn't seem to matter to Scout.  "Im old too Mommy" she said. I chuckled. The ripe old age of three.

The next day we drove toward preschool and Scout started again. "Mommy, why is Great Grandma old" she asked.  Well, honey, people get old. Time passes.... " and then of course, tears rolled again. I am pretty sure that Scout won't get to meet her Great Grandma. This crushes me. She lives a world apart and it has been something I have known all my life. I never got to REALLY know my Grandma and Grandpa. I am sad for Scout and Sawyer. As I know what it is like to grow up not knowing about your family - and sometimes, until it is too late.

We are so blessed that Scout and Sawyer now have all of their Grandparents.  They interact with Grandma Lizzie and Poppy Ray several times a week.  They know Grandma Joyce and Grandpa Rod. It is really, out of this world, special. Bob and I didn't have access and or time to our Grandparent's growing up. We value these relationships big time.

I cried in the parking lot of Scout's preschool that day. Wishing, wishing that Great Grandma could just do one more flight... just one more.

LOVE AFFAIR

She was a newborn when she fell in love and it was like nothing we have ever seen.  The way she looked when she learned to manipulate them was priceless.

She cooed and giggled when she played with them, never, ever letting one out of her site.

We often referred to her as 'Maggie' and if you are familiar with the longest running show on television, then you know who I am talking about.  You could hear her all the way in the other room... SUCK... SUCK... SUCK.

She wasn't content unless she had at least four of them with her at all times. Especially at night, when she would put one on her finger, one in her mouth and two over her eyes. She often looked like she was getting a spa treatment in her crib.

Bob and I encouraged the relationship because it would keep her calm, entertain her and cut down on the noisy whining that occurred if she didn't have them.

When she and I co-slept they were the perfect snooze button. She would whimper... I would fumble around to find one, plug it in her mouth and she was good for another ten minutes of snoozing.


As time passed the relationship grew stronger.  Bob and I got a little worried. "Do you think we should stop this?" I'd ask him on a regular basis.  "Nah, she'll figure it out... it's just a phase."  We let it go.  Meanwhile, we admired the bond she had formed at such a young age.


The love affair didn't seem to wane after time... it only grew stronger.  No matter where we went, she had to have them. It got to the point that if we forgot to bring them with us she would have a breakdown. It was an extra effort to make sure we always had them with us. We kept them in the glove compartment, our coat pockets, purse, diaper bag; you name it. We had them stashed so she would never be without.

When they ALL went missing we played a game. Theflashlights came out and the search was on. We had contests to see how many we could find.  We would clap and march and celebrate when we examined our collection at the end of our search.


And then... it was time. It was time to for her to quit the relationship.  She didn't like the idea of change. What would she do at night time, when she was daydreaming in her bed just before sleep?  What would she do in the car? How would she manage?  We felt bad that we had to start putting the breaks on this love affair. She was just getting too old.

We marked the calendar for December 26th, 2009.  That was the day that the affair would end. We talked about it and referred to this day often. We wanted her to know how serious we were about her ending her affair.  She would pout when we brought it up. She would sometimes be proud that, yes, indeed, she was going to give them up!


On December 26th, 2009 we collected all of them. We put them in a Tupperware bowl on the shelf.  She didn't blink an eye. She was ready to move forward without regret or hesitation.  Bob and I shook our heads in disbelief? "She is so strong" I said to Bob. After I said that I realized, it was our love affair.  It was everything 'baby.'  It represented her infancy and toddler years. We rarely saw her without them. It was harder on us than it was on her! I actually cried when I realized she had moved on without a blink... and we were the ones holding on... so tightly.

She hasn't looked back and it was a love affair we will never forget.