LOVE AFFAIR

She was a newborn when she fell in love and it was like nothing we have ever seen.  The way she looked when she learned to manipulate them was priceless.

She cooed and giggled when she played with them, never, ever letting one out of her site.

We often referred to her as 'Maggie' and if you are familiar with the longest running show on television, then you know who I am talking about.  You could hear her all the way in the other room... SUCK... SUCK... SUCK.

She wasn't content unless she had at least four of them with her at all times. Especially at night, when she would put one on her finger, one in her mouth and two over her eyes. She often looked like she was getting a spa treatment in her crib.

Bob and I encouraged the relationship because it would keep her calm, entertain her and cut down on the noisy whining that occurred if she didn't have them.

When she and I co-slept they were the perfect snooze button. She would whimper... I would fumble around to find one, plug it in her mouth and she was good for another ten minutes of snoozing.


As time passed the relationship grew stronger.  Bob and I got a little worried. "Do you think we should stop this?" I'd ask him on a regular basis.  "Nah, she'll figure it out... it's just a phase."  We let it go.  Meanwhile, we admired the bond she had formed at such a young age.


The love affair didn't seem to wane after time... it only grew stronger.  No matter where we went, she had to have them. It got to the point that if we forgot to bring them with us she would have a breakdown. It was an extra effort to make sure we always had them with us. We kept them in the glove compartment, our coat pockets, purse, diaper bag; you name it. We had them stashed so she would never be without.

When they ALL went missing we played a game. Theflashlights came out and the search was on. We had contests to see how many we could find.  We would clap and march and celebrate when we examined our collection at the end of our search.


And then... it was time. It was time to for her to quit the relationship.  She didn't like the idea of change. What would she do at night time, when she was daydreaming in her bed just before sleep?  What would she do in the car? How would she manage?  We felt bad that we had to start putting the breaks on this love affair. She was just getting too old.

We marked the calendar for December 26th, 2009.  That was the day that the affair would end. We talked about it and referred to this day often. We wanted her to know how serious we were about her ending her affair.  She would pout when we brought it up. She would sometimes be proud that, yes, indeed, she was going to give them up!


On December 26th, 2009 we collected all of them. We put them in a Tupperware bowl on the shelf.  She didn't blink an eye. She was ready to move forward without regret or hesitation.  Bob and I shook our heads in disbelief? "She is so strong" I said to Bob. After I said that I realized, it was our love affair.  It was everything 'baby.'  It represented her infancy and toddler years. We rarely saw her without them. It was harder on us than it was on her! I actually cried when I realized she had moved on without a blink... and we were the ones holding on... so tightly.

She hasn't looked back and it was a love affair we will never forget.

MASSIVE

The world that has opened up as a result of my children is extreme in every way. It feels as if I have unlocked a door that has never been opened; I see colors that I have never seen.

The pitch of their screams pricks my ears up and registers a heartbeat that could literally bounce from my chest.  When they laugh, I am elevated. When they hurt, I feel their pain in places I didn't know existed. When they learn I sometimes feel as though I see their beautiful wings spreading and I want to explode from joy and sadness at the same time.

The parenthood experience is massive. 

Scout is like a miniature teenager girl.  She knows what she wants. She is bitchy. She is darling and wild. She slams doors. She pouts.  She isn't confident in her ability to tell people what she needs. She is hilarious and sweet.  And this is all before 8:00 a.m.  She challenges every part of my being every single day.  She forces my sweeter side out and brings Daddy's tougher side up.  How can one, little girl do this? She is amazing.

Sawyer is talking with no words and smiling out loud.  His dimples make my heart sing.  He is still an innocent baby.  Sure to grow into his own and challenge us in ways we have yet to see.  His innocence is part of what I adore about babies. They are not from this world.  He has just hit the mark where he is becoming more demanding and vocal. He wants to do things now.  He has expectations.

When I say 'Bending Through Motherhood' I mean it.  I have to duck, rise, bend, form, gel, stretch, blend, grow.  I am so glad for this.

Without this parenthood experience I wonder what kind of person I would be now? I am so thankful for the challenges and the yoga that has to be performed in order to be Scout and Sawyer's mom.  Stretching oneself, I hear is a good thing.

I am stretching.... reaching.... and with them I do see the *stars* and the so-called-fairy tales are alive.

WHO SHE IS...

This is another post I discovered:

How in the hell can I expect to catch up on 8 months worth of being a Mom? I haven't written a word - except for on the grocery list or in emails.

Scout is 8 months old, just shy. She is the best buddy, laughs out loud, is a wonderful baby and has just learned to take her own bottle instead of the breast.

What a journey so far. Breastfeeding for 8 months... and she is finally weaned herself. Which leaves me... totally confused and hormonally crazed. O, to be a woman! I have postpartum depression and excitement at the same time.

Tonight, I am bleaching my teeth (not allowed when pregnant or breastfeeding) and I am taking vitamins that I wasn't allowed to take before. What a celebration, eh?

The things we take for granted!

The last 8 months have been a whirlwind of mommyhood, confusion, diapers, breastfeeding, new toys, snuggles, car rides, late nights, early mornings, Fraggle Rock, giggles, showers, squeaky toys (not for the dogs), lots of wondering "what should I be doing now" ... feeling out of place and not knowing where I fit. Bean bags, bumbo chairs, constipation, Dr.'s visits, 0-3, 3-6, how many lbs? Is she crawling YET? Does she have teeth YET? I tell everyone "NO.. I am trying to stunt her growth, I don't want her to move!"

Scout Elizabeth Kingsley is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me ... next to my husband Bob. Of course, we both wonder..."What did we do before Scout was born?" Now, we are totally satisfied to watch her - DO ANYTHING. She is a good girl. We are lucky!

She smiles when she wakes up. She talks NON-STOP. She sleeps through the night. She cries only when she needs something. She is friendly and loves people. She is kind. She is thoughtful, you can tell. She is a good eater. She watches and observes well and is quite intelligent (I know I am biased!) But she is!

Her Dad is the best Dad there is. He is so active with her and so engaging and wonderful. She LOVES her Daddy! He use to put her on his shoulder and she would fall asleep - for about 2 months that is the only place she wanted to be at night. He was so proud of that. She, like so many things, grew out of that fast. Now, she cuddles her bottle, she has learned to sleep on her tummy. She is calm when we change her diaper. She looks more adorable in overalls than I ever thought possible.

She is my life. She is our life. There isn't a night that I don't tuck her in that I am not thanking the stars and the moon for her. I love to watch her sleep. Her eyelashes are so beautiful and long.

I make up nursery rhymes because I don't know them well. And it is okay.

She watches TV (for children) and I am okay with it. She loves it.

She hates "tummy time"...

She loves the food I make. Oh, did I mention I make her baby food? I am proud of that.

Her first Babysitter was Aunt Amy when Bob and I went to see Dave Matthews in August 06.

She is surrounded by people that love her so much.

Grandpa Ray and Grandma Liz are over the moon.

We all are.

CREVICES

So, I had ambition at some point when Scout was eight months and younger.  I started a blog that I had forgotten all about.  Did I mention that when you become a Mom the crevices of your brain get very dark and you are lucky if you can formulate sentences?  Yes, its true. And most people think women are just making excuses for the total inability to recall, anything.  Trust me, we aren't. It is painful not being able to remember if you actually peed while you were sitting on the toilet - or did you just think about peeing?


Here is what I wrote:

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Six Months...
She is six months now... our daughter. I have gone six months without recording a single thing - except to memory, which, I will inevitably forget. This will be the first "blogging" I have done since the Miscarriage Blog. It is time to get back up on the literary horse here and record life from a whole new perspective.

Scout has grown out of her 1st onesie, shit up her back more than once, kept us up many a night, rolled over, burped so loud I thought it was impossibly funny, pulled the dogs ears, laughed until my heart cried, screamed until I thought I would lose it, splashed about like a fish in the tub, rubbed food all over her face, stole her Daddies heart, stole the show EVERYWHERE, reminded me that my life is no longer my own.

It has all happened so fast. Born in July 06' we knew we were lucky. We tried hard to get Scout. We had no problem getting pregnant - but staying knocked up was another story. Once we finally overcame two miscarriages - we were blessed with little monkey. Now, our lives are different. I have NO idea who I was or what I did before Scout and now, I am on the path to discover what is ahead. Life as a Mom is undeniably the most powerful part of life that I have experienced. So, now a new journey. Lot's of new journeys.